When you can’t cook but host Thanksgiving
Original Script
W: Let’s give thanks! Thanks for having us over!
J: Thanks for setting this all up, thankful for all the hard work you put in
C: Yeah, Thank you for planning out this Thanksgiving meal.
K: (rage) ENOUGH! The next person to sincerely give thanks is going home.
W/C: ….
J: What a wonderfully undercooked Turkey. You can really taste the freezer burn.
K: (....)(laughs) Yes. It is especially good with your store bought cranberry sauce.
W/C: (laughs)
C: Oh look at these fancy utensils. China’s finest plastic forks.
J/K: (laughs)
W: I’d really appreciate if someone didn’t pass me the gravy.
K: Oooh, who brought this fine looking wine? The dollar store has really expanded their selection.
J: There’s a fly in my pumpkin soup, I didn’t know you had more guests coming.
C: This spread is as authentic as your lovely arrangement of faux flowers.
W: And the flowers go so well with the candles! mHmm, bubblegum scented.
K: Thank you all for dragging dirt in the house with your shoes, really makes it feel like that first outdoor thanksgiving.
W: This corn looks really fresh, like farm to table fresh. Corn husk and all!
C: The green beans must be farm fresh too, you can really taste the pesticide.
J: I’m so excited to watch football on your 12” laptop screen.
W: Not as excited as I am for food poisoning!
K: I like your choice of fall clothing colors! It goes well with the mustard and cranberry sauce stains on your shirt.
C: These mashed potatoes make me nostalgic for Play-Doh.
J: Nothing screams desert like expired pumpkin pie.
K: I’m glad everyone dug in / without even / washing / their hands
K: (laughs) Thank you everyone. Really. This is the best thanksgiving dinner since the natives invited the pilgrims.
J/W/C: (blush)
W: This garlic bread is as good as prison food!
K/J/C: (gasp)
J: too soon, Wild, too soon
C: Yeah that happened just last video.
K: Let’s give Thanks for how that ended.