Most Violent Boardgame
Original Script:
Focus
Naughty Catan Tactics
T/T
10 Legal Things To Try In Catan
12 MUST TRY Tactics In Catan
12.5 Secret Catan Tactics
12 Tricks To Try In Catan
Feeling Naughty? Try These Catan Tactics.
Catan printed on lingerie
How To Be EVIL in Catan
Catan box with horns and fire
The Worst People In Catan.
Why You Hate Catan
Catan Players Are The Worst.
Dirty Catan Tactics
The Bad Guy In Catan
That One Guy In Catan
That one guy in Catan..
Notes & Ideas
Triforce
Monopoly
Peaceful robber
Sheep factory
Blind Trade
Trade Others With Your Port
Robber Hopping
Score Announcer
Look at the height of the resource decks
Over 7 cards and can’t spend? Do a bad trade
Trade Intangibles
Boycott The Leader
Knight Before You Roll (any dev card)
Script
(rewind) Warning: You might lose some friends with these.
(story hook) Catan is just like staring at a wall. At first, everything seems pretty plain and obvious, the paint color is white, the paint strokes seem consistent, but the longer you stare at it, the more you start to see things you would expect to be there. (bug painted over).
(story hook) You know those videos that are like ‘10 things you should try when you visit Paris.’ This is exactly that video, but instead of Paris, it’s Catan.
(story hook) Catan has a reputation. It is known to bring out the worst in people. It turns your family and friends into monsters that do things you never thought possible. Some of these behaviours might feel familiar to you and if you can make it through this video without being triggered. You might be the monster. you It is said that it brings out the best (it says worst on screen) in people. So its no surprise you that this game is full of ways to build strong friendships (destroy friendships) and bring honor to your family (ruin family game night). If you make it through this video without shaking your head in disgust, you might want to see a therapist, because we are about to journey through Catan hell. If you can make it through this video without being triggered, you are probably the bad guy.
Catan box with devil horns.
Translation box appears.
Video of game breaking catan board.
People swearing across the table.
Rip the rulebook (fake it)
#1 The Kingmaker: This one is so absolutely shameful that most tournaments ban players who do this. It’s called kingmaking and it is not unique to Catan but definitely shows it’s ugly face in a lot of Catan games. Kingmaking is when you are playing a game with 3 or more players and as a losing player, you have determined that you have no chance of winning, and so you decide to spoil the game by purposely helping one of the other players win, therefore spoiling the game. I’d rank this a solid 9/10 on the bad guy scale, the 10/10 is coming up in a bit.
Guy being banned from tournament
Kingmaking mg
#2 The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing: Bonjour mon Ami, do you have any, how you say, mouton? If you are playing Catan with strangers for the first time, like at a tournament, you could purposely use the wrong terminology to make it look like you are a harmless peasant. Anyone got trees? I’ll give you a cattle and a rock for trees. No? What about some clay and hay? Hay that rhymes. But you are just feigning ignorance so that you can fly under the radar and sneak in a victory.
#3 The Double slap: If there is a resource in someones hand that you really want to get, or if there is someone you really want to slow down. You can do some serious damage if you roll a 7. Start by placing the robber on a resource hex that is not important to them, and you can fake sympathy by saying something like ‘I-I’m sorry, I just need a card from you, do you want me to block here or here.’ Then place in the spot they want you to place. Steal a card from them, pause for suspense, then play a knight card and move the robber to the hex they didn’t want to you block and steal yet another card from them. And then you can pretend to apologize to make sure you’ve made an enemy for life.
#4 The Score Announcer: Red is winning with 7 points, and 2 cities, oh my god, AND a hidden dev card? Everyone boycott red. Nothing triggers people more than someone pointing out their score when they are trying to go unnoticed. You don’t even have to be boisterous about it, you can do it like an old man. “Hmm, let’s see here, red has.. 1.. 2.. 3.. Oh is that a 3:1 port, and 3 cities, oh my, you sure do look like you have a lot of points, sonny.”
#5 The Monopo-lie: Everyone desperately wants some wheat, and you happen to have some to trade. You start by offering trades for wheat at high prices and get a bunch of good deals for trading away that precious wheat, and then once you have traded away all your wheat, you reveal the monopoly card and get it all back. This is Catan 101 about how to make the whole table hate you.
#6 The Contract: Every once in a while you get an opportunity to negotiate build options, telling another player that you promise you won’t build there if they trade you a resource, and besides you don’t have the resources to build there anyway (bat eyes). And the moment you get the opportunity to build, you build exactly where you promised you wouldn’t. This is a sure fire way to make sure no one will trust you ever again.
#7 The Dice Delayer: If you really want to grind some gears, all you have to do is wait for your turn to roll the dice and then do this. (rolls dice for a solid 20 seconds, rolls a 7) (triggered yet? Like button)
#8 The Dice Tester: If you want to test out your dice before your official roll, you can preemptively reach over to grab the dice from the player who is in the middle of their turn and roll the dice. If you like the result, simply claim, I pre-rolled. If you don’t like the result, you can say you were just testing the dice and waiting for them to finish their turn before officially rolling. Also, it’s super disrespectful to take dice that were not given to you, so that makes it extra bad.
The Card Bender: I can forgive most of these in some way, simply because they aren’t causing permanent damage. But you know what is? People that bend the cards, especially the development cards, as they become dead giveaways as to who is holding what card when their card has crease marks on it. Although this was a joke video, do NOT do this last one under any circumstances or there is a special place in hell for you.
The Natural Disaster: If you want to really shake things up, you can get up from the table and bump your leg against it real hard. It’ll physically move all the pieces around the board and really ruffle some feathers.
#9 The Bowler: If you want to add some shenanigans to your dice roll, why not violently bowl those dice straight through the middle of the game board, aiming to knock around as many game pieces as possible. This is a great opportunity to ‘reposition’ a settlement or two. And if the table starts to complain about you bowling the board, simply stand up to roll elsewhere and knock the table really hard while standing up.
#10 The Mulligan Man: In general, although unspoken, Catan is expected to follow the one touch etiquette like chess, where once you lock in an action, you can’t undo it. Enter, the Mulligan Man, who after placing their initial settlement and road, waits until the next player places theirs, and then wants to redo their placement since it doesn’t matter because the next player didn’t place where they wanted to switch to anyway. A lot of these bad guy tactics will give you some really dirty looks, but this one might get you stabbed in the parking lot after a Catan tournament. If you want to avoid being stabbed you should probably study up on what makes for good initial placements, might save your life one day. paying resources and buying a development card, decides that they would rather buy a settlement and insists on returning the ‘unseen’ development card to the deck and placing a settlement. The question about whether a development card was revealed has great implications on the game and as such is bound to cause quite a commotion.